Emma J Photo

as i’m rumaging through this session (i dont know if going out of town for 4 days on spring break to spend time with some of your favorite people and taking some pictures is actually considered a session) and I decided to give another sneak peak at this one. It was too perfect in my mind. because it is them.. as is.

as i mentioned, I was gone this weekend. And this little trip to Austin didn’t break this fever I have.. but instead it fueled it.

first, let me explain my fever: I am having the hardest time being here… in nowhere, west Texas, while everyone else thats doing what I do is off traveling and taking pictures of it. SO my fever is this desire I have to leave. To leave and take pictures of what I see on my journey to the destination I choose.

I. Want. Out. And being a fifteen year old who doesnt even have her permit yet really puts a holt on that pipe dream.

you see a lot of Midland is just a shelter. And, as I read in Baron Batch’s blog this week “every fortress is a prison.” I feel like that speaks to a wide range of situations but I felt it speaking to me in this way: I feel like i’m in prison. Not just Midland, but feeling like I don’t belong where I am altogether.

And this weekend, while great, only put more ragey green fire in me.  It was like a teaser… like spring break before summer… or like the chips and salsa before a meal. It just leaves you wanting more.

I have been reading a lot of Wrecklessgirl’s interviews on the Vagabond blog. And as you can imagine the green fire comes rolling back in. I began to read. And dream. And then realize: while these photographers are off making art, I’m here sitting in front of my computer screen in Midland, texas WANTING to be them. Or wanting to join them in their adventures. Or, even better, wanting to be on my own adventures.

I want to be interviewed and share what I have found to be beautiful. I want to be part of that.

It’s part of this weird thing I got going in my head to  be united. I think it is so beautiful to see peoples expressions as part of a story… and I think while appreciating being inspired by there story we take part in an overall unity. But I feel like i’m all talk no walk. I don’t feel like I’m capable to inspire. I will try to the death but I don’t feel much feedback, and the little that I do I thank God for because I love knowing that I’m expressing some sort of glory and unity by inspiring.

And while reading one of these interviews with Sarah Rhoads, she asked:

“Define: away

‘un-plugging. turning off the things that don’t matter and re-connecting with those things that do.’“

I want to “re-connect”. But I guess for now I can just dream about it and attempt to do it here for the next 3 years.  I only get little glimpses of that on yearly family trips. Which I take much advantage of. But It still leaves me wanting more.

and p.s. thank you Vagabound and everyone else who lets me see what there is to see. It’s secretly my dream to make the “11 explorers” be 12.

There are many reasons I haven’t posted in so long… and I will state them as if anybody cares.

For one, I live in a mind bubble. I have an attention span problem. I’m always in a day dream of some sort… And the worst part of it is, the dream changes every other day or so. This leaves me an extremely off and on person in everything I do.  And as you may have guessed my dreams have been far and wide the past few months and I have left this thing in the dust as a result of it.

For B, I’m kind of extremely fake when it comes to ‘blogging’  (is it weird that that term makes me cringe? Blogging blogging blogging) and I get sick of being fake real quick. Again, its my attention span problem. The only reason why I keep writing (good alternative word eh?) is because I have a strong desire to spread truth. It’s part of the passion I have in all of this, but besides my hopefully insightful writings it gets buttery and gross… mainly because I copy other bloggers. I’m not doing that anymore.

Finally, tres: I learn not to care. This shouldn’t be an obligation. I write when God inspires me too. Besides then all my imaginary readers can go do something else with your day.  I’m not that exciting anyway.

at a Restaurant in the Cayman Islands. non edited.

Icy weekend. I thought this snowy week was funny because I posted about a west texas winter earlier in the Winter

All week I have been pushing myself to try to actually write a post. I have been brain storming non stop but when it came to what to put up next my brain went mush and I had to start all over again. So HERE is my mush brain post. (partly a precedent of the earlier days of the week and partly because I’m distracted and watching Mama Mia as I attempt to write;))

Something has been laid on my heart for whatever reason (on my List of 6 post I stated ‘know where your Joy comes from, and never let it go’- this thought is branching off of that one), so I thought I should share: Our relationship with Christ is crucial. everything we say and choose to do consistently, no matter what the current circumstance, determines how strong your relationship is, and how brightly it shows to be true to others.

I have a tendency to be all gung-ho about God and about talking to him and about simply consistently spending time with Him when I sense things are getting rocky. This usually happens after I step away from myself for a second and examine what I become and realize I don’t want it (for good reasons, but still my own).  So I turn to God after a drought, and He takes me in. He changes whatever  needs to change and then I become happy in that until the obviously temporary thing that shows itself to be promising in my life comes along once more. Then it starts all over. It is so cliche, I know, but it is so changing after truly believing it to be truth in our own hearts.

When we stay connected in the rough and smooth we see more truth more vividly. It is good for the bad times when you stay connected during the good, because you don’t just walk into it on your own understanding and come out with truth, you walk into it listening to truth and walk out of it with truth and refreshed.

It’s easy to go to a friend who has been with you and been a part of your life in it all, but it isn’t so easy to go to a friend who you haven’t seen in ages. That friend will still be there, but will be harder to connect with in a time of need.  Not to mention, it simply isn’t fair to the friend to deal with all of this with you for a while, then watch you go and do your own thing without appreciating. God wants to rejoice in good times with us, as well as feed us truth during the bad.

When we spend time with God during the bad, it’s great, and in the end it can turn into a story to inspire people, but when we stay fully connected with God when good things happen, people can see it in you. They can truly see a growing joy and a certain contentedness within you. And when people see it they believe it.

I KNOW it will happen again, I’m not saying I am completely immune to this since I realize it, but realizing it is one big step closer to understanding God and what he wants for us, so I’ll take it. And maybe this is one step closer to being content in any and every circumstance.

and that’s all my farty brain is allowing me to put together, but I might elaborate at some other point. not now.

SO I’m off to watch some Dana Carvey on SNL… This should be a good night!

~emma~

these are some pictures I took on my Summer trip, don’t relate at all to what this post is about but i thought i would share them anyway !

At the beginning of the year I was exhausted. All I wanted to do was make a STRICT routine and be by myself all the time… I was sick of being surrounded by stuff that didn’t let me express myself and I felt like I couldn’t get away from it at all. The truth is, that I can’t get away from it, but I can learn to be content with wherever I am. Although I still wouldn’t choose the life I’m living for myself I know there are plans in it all and I need to not only endure but also enjoy where I am, and be a tool of God while doing so.

I’m not exactly happy about the idea that I live in Midland, TX (where nobody seems to give a rats butt about art), or that I am not as respected as a photographer as an adult would be. I’m not happy that I am in high school living this life as apposed to living a life somewhere else learning what I want learn, where I want to learn it. But I know through this all God is going to use me here. And in order to fully fulfill God’s plans for me (or at least attempt to) I came to think that I should come up with a list  (yes, I’m a list maker, If don’t make lists and I go haywire, then become a big pile of worthless lazy mush) of guidelines and priorities to separate what I need to do in order to keep this boat (me, being who I’m supposed to be) afloat, and the things a normal highschooler takes part. And after writing them I came to realize that they may be relevant to more than just me and my circumstances.

1. Do your best for the good of mankind.
2. Keep things balanced and in proportion and moderation
3. Enjoy your life and the people, places and things placed in it.
4. Know your limits and your heart
5. Act as an advocate of support for all things good by as least being actively appreciative and respectful to people and their good effort
6. Always know where your joy comes from, and never let it go.

have a good evening!

~emma~

I thought I would share some thoughts.  But before i start please know, I have been praying that this inparticular piece of thought be of truth and one that opens doors to relate to more that the average 2 from LA, 4 from NYC, 3 from Austin, 20 from Dallas and 180 from the grand ol’ Midland texas (yes, i know who you are and where you live;). Know that i want to reach out to you and I want to know your there and listening. I want your feedback. So here it goes…

I say this a lot, but i’m going to say it again… My goal in this world is to have a contagious passion for what I do and inspire people to share that passion; that passion ultimately being Jesus and my relationship with him.

In this world there is a cycle: We live off of each other. We succeed because of one another and we fail because of one another. We have passion because of someone and we have hate because of someone. Wether or not we know it, our society functions off of what each individual succeeds or fails to put on the table, wether it be through personality, art, financial or political circumstances. Yet we tend to live our lives the way we believe it to be led, and very rarely are we intertwined with the ‘alternative’ way of another. Everyone lives for something, and if we don’t we hit that point of ‘rock bottom’ until we find something else to define our identity. We live for ourselves and our fellow people who live in the same way. In this way, there are differences in this world, unimaginable and they are inevitably the primary reason for destruction, pain, and all other bad things.

When groups of different types of groups join in one similar emotion simultaneously, it is one of the most respected, pure and lovely things on this earth. It is usually because of some epic outcry in society. The biggest thing that comes to mind when on this topic is 9/11: After 9.11 people instantly stopped and mourned with each other for the same reason and out of the same respect. For that short amount of time all people of different races, beliefs, and lifestyles came together and were still. And although terribly sad, it was, in this sense, beautiful.

I want groups of people to relate to me and my work. I want different types of people to read and see what I have to say (which, I hope is purely truth from Jesus) and understand it, and be inspired by it. The only way we can help one another is to inspire one another (see: explosions here) . Inspiration, I believe, is one of Gods tools to install a bigger unity in His people as a whole. It, and empathy is fellowship. (see here: So feel)

Ultimately by relating to people and respecting them, their stories and beliefs, we grow a connection and a bond with them (fellowship).  I don’t think my photography is just about equipment, pictures, blog hits, other photographers or the whole photographer network, to me it is what God is calling me to do. And how else to be in Him if not by sharing what I have found to be truth and living in the light (see here).

And one thing I know brings us together: we all search for the truth that will set us free. We are all striving together for one glorious hope for the future.

So this is me sharing what I believe to be the little bit of truth God has to share through me on this Monday evening. And these are my thoughts, inspired by God’s word, to relate to more than the average.

Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. ² Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. ³ Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. ⁴ For there is one body and one Spirit, just as you have been called to one glorious hope for the future. – ephesians 4

P.S.- more of them to come!

She is my Sealion

A picture that focuses on those beautiful fine, bronze locks, has a BIG place in my book.

My dear sealion… our lives are distant…. but our hearts are close, despite it all.

Me and Sealion have many similarities in our tastes of art… for instance in the 6th grade we both were obsessed with Feist and Tegan & Sara.

and last night i was listening to Tegan & Sara and Feist, while thinking about my Sealion.  And i realized the lyrics were strangely relevant to my feelings toward her. or, i should say, my mind put them in such a way to seem so.  I instantly pulled up the gmail and typed out the lyrics as fast as i could as Feist and Tegan & Sara sang them.  I’d say it’s a whole new kind of art.

Dear sea lion,

Oh and im feeling directionless yes, but thats to be expected, and i know that best.  I want to draw you a floorplan of my hidden heart. I feel you in my heart. I felt you in my legs before i ever met you. we met but when i was so strange and likeable. I just want back in your head, im not unfaithful but ill stray, when i get a little scared. so sorry. I miss you now i guess like i should have missed you then. You cant just hop a plane and come and visit me again. but honey honey this is how my heart behaves: i feel it all.  The limit to my love is from The Water to The Park you are my past in present. you are my brandy alexander, you always get me into trouble, i hide that i am flattered.  I feel like a fool so im going to stop troubling you. take it i am yours.

Love,

~emma~

im introducing a new category… elements.

This new category of elements needs some explaining.

Elements are the result of explosions, which to me are the result of somebody’s identity being expressed to set in stone themselves, their emotions, their intentions, or their heart.  Explosions are the act of putting something out there for other people to see.  In my mind it’s vulnerability.  Beautiful vulnerability.

to be cliché… people obviously have to express themselves in a unique way  “Each heart knows its own bitterness and no one else can fully understand it’s Joy” If we don’t find a way to explode in a way that compliments our personalities we will eventually drive ourselves insane while trying to be sane.

the explosions aren’t necessarily the way of expression it’s the result of the attempt to express:

Writers: books/articles/papers ect…

Painters: the painted canvas

Photographers: the picture

When somebody expresses himself I believe it’s an internal act of swallowing any fear or pride for the mere purpose of changing the society in any way.  It’s putting the God given identity out there for people to see.  But only a few people actually see it as the something it was intended. You really have to set your mind to see everything as the story that it was and is… It could be just a good song, just a pretty picture, just a good book, just a pretty painting Or it could be an amazing and inspiring story.  When you allow yourself to dig deeper and to be inspired it creates a gorgeous process: it repeats itself for whoever allows it to work through them. unity.  If we don’t accept and respect these explosions we don’t become what God intended us to be in the world.  When we change our perspectives and see them as what someone intended them to be seen as we come closer to seeing what God sees: The person and the intention not the element as an object with a worth tagged on it depending on the surface quality.

“Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the spirit, binding yourselves together with peace for there is one body and one spirit, just as we have been called for one glorious hope for the future.”

explosions lead to Inspiration, inspiration leads to emotions, emotions lead to ideas, and ideas lead to explosions: the cycle of  forming bonds.

It is so beautiful that this little act of compassion can be so eventful to the soul.  In this way passion is recognized, pain is identified and a bond is made.  Fellowship as a whole.

Explosions are what allow us to enjoy things, it’s what allows us to thirst for growth, its what allows us to grow, its what gives us the option of learning.

pictures…

cooking… kind of;)

have a beautiful evening

(and tell me what you think)

~emma~

inspiration is the beginning of motivation, and motivation is responsible for any type of passion and passion can only be described as any and everything worth living breathing and doing.  The sooner we realize all we want is beauty the better off we will be.

Ask any person that is admired and recognized as a leader or anything of that nature what makes them happy and motivates them and they will pretty much all say something that they find beauty in.  the dynamics of what we want are very simple:  we simply all want something beautiful in some way to take part in.

We have to take things slowly and observe the life that we have… discover the irony of life. Some of the reason we disregard the excellent irony of life is because we are “spirit bound up by flesh, held up by bone and trapped in time”

trapped in by time? We live repetitive lives.  I give this some of the credit for depression and acts of laziness in our country.  We do the same things everyday and after doing it for so long it becomes our reality and after that we just continue our reality mindlessly.   We don’t need to give it more effort because we got it down.  That’s when the fog of seeing beauty comes in because we let bitterness dwell in us and we let ourselves slip through with our different faults.  the moment we start doing things mindlessly is the moment you start to lose intrest, the moment you give up, the moment your life becomes nothing and the moment you stopped living for what we need.

We simply disregard our situations and see the repetitivness of life as what life is: normal.  The truth is Life is nothing normal.

and so…….

I find beauty in dumpster diving:).

have a lovely evening!

~emma~

in case you haven’t noticed i haven’t blogged in a while.  That doesnt mean i have given up and here is why: My life is hectic, my life is changing in the moment and now more than ever i need this type of thing in my life partly to keep me sane.

these past few days i went to San antonio and read a book by Don Miller and it felt good simply to read a book because it’s been so long.  The book is about life stories and what makes them good.  A lot of the things in it made the things in my mind that had been bubbling at the surface finally come out.

I realized a few things:

1.  I need to use this blog to say something to people… to document not everything i do but the things i think can talk to people and open their eyes to.

I’ve always enjoyed writing and it’s a good way for me to get some things in my head out (since i don’t usually talk to people about them when they are happening)  and it just accurred to me that i need to seize the oppurtunity of a blog and write about what im posting

2.  I just need a short term goal or story. I realized this last week while talking to a friend that i have a hard time processing short term goals and things to work for.  I look at the long term more than not and when that seems unreachable I give up.

3.  I simply need to put a new perspective of people and artists out there because we (or at least where i live) seem to reject things we need most… we reject people instead of seeing them as something different.

So now i have a lot of posts up my sleeve and I just pray God will open every one up to hearing what people have to say and help me use this whole internet thing to it’s extent

p.s.: I know i need to pick up on the picture thing too… i DEFeNeNTLY haven’t given up on that part… i just haven’t had a whole lot of clients or anything;)

NOW for San Antonio: i didn’t take a whole lot of pictures there.  Really my whole challenge of the week for me and my camera (which BTW i WILL be naming soon… don’t doubt me) was a picture of myself and my freaking AMAZING earphones

p.ss: I got these earphones @ Urban Outfitters (my favorite store EVER) get some>> here

“there is one body, one spirit, just as you have been called to one glorious hope for the future.”

i don’t think i have ever found anything more powerful… anything bigger, anything more beautiful than unity.

It’s the formula for everything.  we are all called to one glorious hope and each of us has a role to accomidate the others.

every part has something to say…

there is no other colts, or groups.

Just different masses of people with different motives and roles

BUT we are all called to love…

when all realizes this we reach the standards… that apparently do, in fact, exist.

the best pictures you will ever see are the ones with people showing expression of unity with one another…. i can pretty much promise you that.

when i discover something better than unity ill let you know

.

so there you have it….

~emma~